i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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