Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
