Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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