Im at strip club and am horny
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
