i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize