What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
