Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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