Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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