dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
