Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
