a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
