It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
