Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
