I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
