I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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