He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
