No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
