i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
