Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
