I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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