make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
