She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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