I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize