oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
