I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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