she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
