Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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