Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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