Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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