I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize