he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
