So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He better not be in your backpack
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
