So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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