Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
