If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
