omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
