I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
