a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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