What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am spending my child support on dildos
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While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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