I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
