Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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