i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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