i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
