Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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