im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
