In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
...so i touched it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
