My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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