Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
