im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
