Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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