You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
