I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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