I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
