what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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