tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am available for nakedness
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
