Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
