What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
