my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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