the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
