My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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