Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
