Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
