Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
