Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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