we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
