Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
