Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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