I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
