I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
