I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
