oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ugly people sure do ruin things
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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