Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
