am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
