The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
