I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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