I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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