the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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