your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
