don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Damn victory sex feels great
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
