you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
